Help please :)... dont go off the subject either...?

hi, thanks for taking your time to read this. well, im 17 and i really wanna have , and i am mature and ready for it :) but im also scared, i have been fingered but only with one finger, and ive done it myself, but cant quite get two up,even when i am and lubricated enough. ive tried with household utensils like an ice cream scoop and pens, but theyre only thin, and whenever i try with thick, sized objects, they dont seem to fit, am i too tight??????? please help, i really want my partner of 4 years to actually be in a ual relationship with me. thanks x